New Year’s Eve

Oh my god, where should I start?  Maybe with my expectations, which were relatively low.  Low enough for me to wait weeks after the movie’s opening night in early December to see it.  I saw New Year’s Eve on the night before the real New Year’s Eve.  Figured it would be a nice low key way to start the weekend, and get in the mood for the next day. I would also like to use this opportunity to apologize to the four (yes, four) men who agreed to go see this with- believe me, I suffered just as much as all of you did.  It was unbelievably painful to sit through this.  So painful, I was actually wishing I was seeing Valentine’s Day instead (director Garry Marshall’s predecessor to this mess).  Overall I was disappointed with that too (see: my review for Valentine’s Day).   But man, after New Year’s Eve, Valentine’s Day looks like Citizen Kane.   New Year’s Eve was so bad, I found myself wishing I was watching Sex and the City 2 again (see: my review for Sex and the City 2), because at least with that I could enjoy the outrageous outfits.  New Year’s was filled with lovely ladies- Sofia Vergara, Katherine Heigl, Halle Berry, Jessica Biel- but they were all dressed-down and too plain.  Don’t even get me started on what they did to Michelle Pfeiffer- way to age her 20 more years.  Anyways, I digress.  Why waste time on the lack of fun outfits when we can discuss the stellar story lines…

Sorry, I fell asleep for a moment.  Where was I?  The story lines – they were poorly thought out, poorly written and poorly acted.  Not ONE of them moved me or made me think for a moment I was watching a romantic comedy.  I honestly didn’t know what the hell I was watching half the time, what the purpose of any one thing going on was.  We have Lea Michele, who (don’t you worry, she gets her chance to sing her pretentious little head off) gets stuck in an elevator with this odd character, Ashton Kutcher, who hates New Years Eve for some reason.  I kept waiting for the Phoebe-Cates-explanation-of-why-she-hates-Christmas-in-Gremlins moment, but it never came.  Somehow during their time in captivity these two fall for each other, but the reasons why are really not articulated well to the audience.  They bond over singing and drawings.  Next we have Sarah Jessica Parker fighting in one too many scenes with her daughter Abigail Breslin- who you feel no sympathy for at all.  What pre-teen deserves to roam the streets of NYC on New Years Eve?  This isn’t a supervised prom- it’s nighttime in a goddamn big city with the streets filled with tons of wasted people.  And might I add that Breslin is not aging well, and her little love interest was poorly cast because he was way too cute for her.  Speaking of no chemistry, who the hell is going to believe Sarah Jessica Parker… and Josh Duhamel???  It’s not even about the age difference- get your cougar on, but with someone who deserves it. (see: Dwyane Wade and his 10 years senior girlfriend Gabrielle Union).  The public has a hard enough time believing his marriage to Fergie, I love you girl, but you guys are really an odd couple.  Duhamel looks like he should be dating a younger-looking blonde….oh wait (google: last year’s stripper scandal in Atlanta).  When Parker arrived in that carriage at the end of the movie and they kissed, it looked so awkward I had to look away.

I don’t even have the energy to continue, there were so many things wrong with this film.  Maybe I should try numbering them:

1. Not one thing Sofia Vergara or her Indian sidekick said was funny.  Way to typecast minorities, Garry Marshall,  welcome to 2012…. Please don’t judge Vergara from that absolutely cheesy, awful performance- she plays the sexy Latina role much smarter in Modern Family.
2. Jessica Biel cannot act.  Mr. Marshall this was established in her over-the-top horrible acting in Valentine’s Day.  Let’s just let her look pretty on the red carpet with Justin Timberlake, and let us drool over her body in US Weekly paparazzi beach shots.  Directors of the world need to unite and stop trying to fool her into thinking she can act by casting her.
3. Speaking of, don’t you think Biel and Seth Meyer’s little storyline about having the first baby of the new year would have worked better if it seemed like this was a long-standing competition between them and the other couple, that they had been aware of the competition and trying their best to make it to midnight of the New Year?  It would have seemed sweeter for them to give it up at the end then.  I wasn’t even sure how invested Biel was in winning- one minute she was glaring “It’s on” and the next being the voice of reason and apologizing to the other mom.
4. Why was Bon Jovi in this movie?
5. The next time I cannot sleep, I will YouTube the inspiring, touching, moving (completely cheesy and unnecessary) speech Hilary Swank gives to the city when the ball’s lights are not working.  Ambien, you have competition.
6. Who else was expecting Michele Pfeiffer to have some kind of terminal disease, or for us to find out why she was so weird? Nope, no explanation for her behavior.  She did not deserve Zac Efron’s kiss at the end.
7. How exactly did Bon Jovi win Katherine Heigl back?  By singing a song a year after ditching her?
8. Zac Efron is Sarah Jessica Parker’s little brother?  Are you fucking kidding me?  Who waits 30 years between having children?
9. Who else burst out laughing when Cary Elwes’ and Robert DeNiro’s first lines to each other were: “How much time do I have left, Doc?” “Well, you have refused chemotherapy and all medications…”  Did Marshall hire the writers of All My Children?
10. Who else burst out laughing when the police officer Hilary Swank was talking to turned out to be… Chris “Ludacris” Bridges?
11. Did any of these stars actually read the script before signing up?

OK, enough ripping – let me try to find some good in this movie.  I think Zac Efron was the one shining light and source of entertainment in the film.  Kid can act; he is very charismatic and charming and he really stood out in an otherwise drowning movie.  Also, I WILL ADMIT, I did cry in New Year’s Eve– when Halle Berry starting skyping with her military husband overseas (played by a shaved and almost unrecognizable Common).  I didn’t just tear up, I definitely cried.  But I think that is just me, and not the result of any spectacular acting.  The only time I cried in Valentine’s Day was during the military story line- when Julia Roberts reunites with her son.  Anything involving soldiers and their loved ones will make me cry.  This includes the Folger’s commercial where the young man comes home before Christmas and his little sister puts the bow on him and goes, “You’re my present.”  I can tear up just thinking about it…

Bottom line: don’t see this in theaters, don’t even spend $1.20 when it comes to RedBox, watch this in a couple of years when you are home sick with the flu, on the couch, and nothing else is on TV.  There has been ONE time where the concept of following different-but-somewhat-interwoven-love stories has been successful- He’s Just Not That Into You.  Rent that instead.

Friends with Benefits

I was avoiding this movie for a long time.  To me the trailers looked like a parody of every “casual sex leads to love” romantic comedy done.  I couldn’t believe it was an actual film.  Plus it came out right on the heels of Love and Other Drugs and No Strings Attached – total overkill of the concept.  But after hearing numerous girlfriends and cousins gush: “It was sooo good!”  I finally decided to rent it last weekend (and by rent, I mean buying off On Demand because I convinced myself it was too cold to drive out to a Redbox).

I didn’t hate Friends with Benefits.  Not as much as No Strings Attached.  I didn’t love it either, but I sat slightly amused throughout the movie.  The problem is, I do not like Justin Timberlake that much anymore, and do not take him seriously as an actor.  My sister and I used to be obsessed with him when he was in N’Sync, and that followed through when he put out both his (very well done) albums.  He is a very talented singer and dancer.  But he started getting annoying for some reason- just seeing how cocky he was in interviews.  I do find him funny when he does SNL (the Bee Gees skits with Jimmy Fallon are classic, the ones where he dresses up in food costumes and of course Dick in a Box are great).  I also didn’t mind him in Social Network because he was playing a real life person who was kind of similar in cocky/dick-like behavior.  I just don’t buy him in any lead-actor roles, especially serious movies like In Time (still boycotting).  I would like to see him do another album with producer Timbaland.

But as I said, I didn’t hate this movie- Justin and Mila Kunis have chemistry and look good together.  Mila Kunis was mesmerizing-ly beautiful, it was fun to watch her and her cute outfits.  The sex scenes, which I expected given the premise of the movie, weren’t too bad.  I am pretty conservative when it comes to sex in movies- I think once you allude to two characters about to have sex, the scene should end, or be pretty short and not graphic.  It’s just awkward for me to watch people do something so intimate and private (hence not a porn fan, if I want to get turned on I’m watching The Departed or The Town. Leo Dicaprio and Jeremy Renner, tatted up wielding guns? Yes please!  This is just my opinion, however you want to get your rocks off I respect, as long as you’re not Jerry Sandusky).    But the sex scenes in Friends with Benefits were meant to be more funny than “hot.”  Definitely not as bad as watching Black Swan on opening night in a completely packed theater which included families, so awkward.

Of course all the staples of romantic comedies are included in the movie:  throw back 90s song references – Semi-Sonic’s “Closing Time” and Kris Kross “Jump” (we’ve seen this in Just Friends (“I Swear”), The Proposal (“It Takes Two”), Hitch (“Now That We Found Love”)), wacky family members– Jamie’s mom (Patricia Clarkson playing the similar ‘cool hippy mom’ role she did in Easy A), someone having a serious health condition, and therefore bringing depth into a main character’s life- Dylan’s father with Alzheimers, celebrity cameos– Shawn White, and lastly wacky friends who provide funny advice and great one-liners- Dylan’s gay co-worker played by Woody Harrelson.  Mix that together and you get a movie that is enjoyable to watch, yet you find yourself feeling like you’ve seen this before.  Friends with Benefits being the most recent film, included all things modern in pop culture- the couple playing wii, watching YouTube, taking an oath on an iPad, joking about a “period” app on the iPhone…

The ending was overly cheesy and awful (of course), with Dylan’s dad pulling his health together just in time to tell his son that he too had The One that got away and “Go get her, son!” but before I completely gagged, I found myself actually tearing up when Dylan organized a flash mob to declare his love (I know, sucked me right in, so ashamed).

So there you ago, another nice lil addition to the catalog of romantic comedies.  If you want to watch one with real quality that is really funny and original- rent My Best Friend’s Wedding.  Sometimes the best endings aren’t the expected ones.

The Social Network

So late on this!  But at least by now most of you have seen this and I won’t be spoiling anything.  I did see this opening night, and it definitely met my expectations.  What were these expectations?  They started very low, way back about a year ago when I heard a movie was being made about Facebook, I was like “oh gawd. why? so stupid.”  And then when I heard Justin Timberlake was in it, I thought it would be even lamer; an attempt to make Zuckerburg’s life look hip- apparently the movie makers didn’t get the memo that Timberlake should be left to singing.  BUT then I started seeing the trailers at the theater and on TV, and started to become very intrigued.  These trailers were hot, definitely have to give it up to the marketing team on the promotion for this movie.  The way it was promoted made it look like a very dark drama, revealing the very dark secrets behind what is the exact opposite of dark- a social network that puts everything in your life to light.  And the music chosen for the trailers was money- the first is Kanye West’s Power:

The song just fit perfect with the theme of the movie.  I first heard this when West performed it live at the BET awards this year, and did not like it at all.  This trailer has the power of what a lot of music videos have had in my life- to change my mind into liking a song.  I have to admit I now work out the the remix of Power.

Second trailer shout out- for any Radiohead fans out there- this is a great cover of Creep and this trailer actually gives me goosebumps:

Between the lighting, the music, the acting, and the theme- the movie was just as dark and intriguing as expected.

The movie was brilliantly cast- Jesse Eisenberg deserves an award for his acting.  He did such a good job of playing a socially awkward yet brilliant boy.  I recently read a book about movie writer/director John Hughes, and the way he is described is very similar to Zuckerberg.  Socially awkward, extremely obsessive about their work (Hughes sat down and wrote the screenplay for Pretty in Pink in one night during filming for Sixteen Candles. And both seemed to make up through their work what they lacked in their social lives)  Justin Timberlake was actually great in his role as Napster founder Shawn Parker- I guess the key is to cast him in douchebag roles and he will shine.  Rooney Mara was great as Zuckerberg’s love interest- the first scene of the movie where they both go back and forth was really good- I heard somewhere director David Fincher made them spend a day perfecting their repertoire.   Andrew Garfield shined as Zuckerberg’s innocent and lovable best friend Edwardo, and I admit stole a little bit of my heart and is now my new Hollywood crush.  Watch this clip of him singing Antoine Dobson’s “Bed Rapist” remix and tell me his is not adorable:

And lastly, after we left the theater, just as I was about to tell my sister which one of the Winklevoss twins I thought was hotter, she informed me that it was ONE guy playing them both- actor Armie Hammer.   I couldn’t believe it.  I could have sworn there was a slight difference between them.  Ha.  Anyways, it’s a good thing they didn’t go out and look for twins because he was perfect for that snide, ‘I come from old money and I go to Harvard’ role (think of all the guys in School Ties).

I understand that the story deviated from reality quite a bit, which is to be expected in any movie adaptation of a true story.  But I have heard that Zuckerburg’s personality matches that of the character Eisenberg plays, and there had to have been some motivation in him to immortalize himself by creating something so popular, because of what he lacked in real life.  Whatever reality is, the story for the movie was great, and definitely kept you interested the whole time.  I recommend anyone, Facebook member or not, to see this.  I think any story of how something mainstream was created is so interesting to watch.

Which brings me to my next point- a bit of personal information about ‘ol Star.  Ironically the day I went to go see this- the day it came out- I quit Facebook.  Yes kids, it’s true.  Earlier that week, I had even jokingly created a Facebook event for my friends to go see that movie- and in fact had organized a whole group of us to go to it (and it was a great time- the theater we went to was super nice and filled with intellectual college students and grads and so the environment created felt a bit similar to the one we were all watching).  But anyways, the day the movie came out I officially deleted this social network from my computer and blackberry.  I even felt a bit awkward when the movie first started, because I thought it might make me regret my decision, but honestly it only strengthened it.   When I saw the reasons why Facebook worked so well, every college student’s obsession to know who was up to what, and little things here and there like the comment Edwardo’s girlfriend made, “I see your relationship status says single!”,the fact that Parker’s discovery of Facebook was because his one night stand had gone surfing on it while he was sleeping, and most importantly the poignant last scene of the movie- where Zuckerberg requests his love interest Ericka as a ‘friend’ and then keeps hitting refresh to see if she accepted….all proved to me I needed to get out.  Facebook has a very easy way of creeping into your entire life.   I am not knocking Facebook though (really!)- I think it is a great way to keep in touch with people and get information out to many people at once with ease.  And in fact, many of you might be reading this review because they automatically post to my page- see I know it can be a great marketing tool.  My business even has it’s own Facebook page.  So I have kept my page up instead of deactivating it.  I have put too many albums up of middle and high school that I know people enjoy, and would be sad to see gone, and I do want to have some link to my 700+ ‘friends’ in case there is an emergency and one of them needs to contact me.  My assistant periodically will go on there to check if there are any messages, etc.   But as far as Star goes, the lights are on but nobody’s home.  If you want to reach me, do it the old fashioned way.  Because for the first time, in a very long time, I don’t want to know what everyone in their life is up to every day, I don’t want to see highlight pictures of people’s fabulous life and times, I don’t want to get sucked into witty wall posts back and forth- I just want to be me.  I want to use that extra time on myself, and expanding and growing my business.  Who knows, maybe I’ll come back someday- but so far I haven’t looked back and missed it for one second.

I sat in the movie theater just amazed at these Harvard kids and what they thought up, and what it has become now.  I still remember when I first heard about Facebook- I was in grad school (thank god I was not exposed to this madness in high school or college) and social sites had started springing up- I had just joined Friendster and MySpace, when my younger girlfriends told me of an even better site, Facebook.   I gave it a whirl, but still preferred MySpace.  But eventually, Facebook won me over, as with the rest of the world, because I now even have older relatives across the world on it now.  My mom is on it- as I am sure your mom is as well.  It is crazy how big it has grown, in turn losing its ‘college email only’ exclusivity, selling out to advertisements and crazy applications (what the fuck is Farmville?)  and I wonder what made it work- and not the other sites.  I always thought MySpace would have been more popular because of how you could individualize your page by changing backgrounds, fonts and music.  But perhaps that’s what ended up being its weakness, and what made Facebook succeed- the only way you could be unique and yourself is by being you.  Everyone’s layout was the same- what makes you stand out is who your friends are, what they write, what pictures you post, what status you have…

I left the movie theater feeling very empowered that night.  I was very motivated, and still am, by the work ethic and mentality of both Parker and Zuckerberg.  It shows you the business savvy people aren’t just the men in suits, it can be college kids in GAP sweatshirts getting off their ass and doing something.  Being innovative.  This movie motivated me to go out there and make my own money- because it’s out there waiting for someone to take it.

Hands down best movie I have seen this year.  (I haven’t even bothered to write a review for Inception, because I am still figuring out what it was about…)